Well the wait is over. But let me tell you about my week first. I made it to Monday firmly convinced I was pregnant. I just felt pregnant. Until I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Well if you remember the transfer was (March 22nd) making Monday way too soon. And it didn't help that I used a test from our first cycle that expired 3 years ago. If I was thinking negatively I told myself none of that mattered. If I was thinking positively I comforted myself with the truth, too soon, too old. So I emailed my nurse and asked if my lab test could be done on Friday because that would be 10 days post transfer and that was more than enough. She said they normally do them on day 12 but that was going to be Sunday and they are closed on Sundays for lab-work. I think she felt sorry for me because she moved it to Friday. I told very few people it was moved. I wanted to surprise Mark and our families. Of course only if it was positive, if it was negative it meant I would have a very long weekend.
Thursday driving home from work was the second full day of feeling very pregnant. The bloat is out of control. I look 4 months pregnant. The fatigue is off the charts. The cramping and pulling and spasms are just to similar to when I was barely pregnant with B. So I stopped at Wal-Greens to buy a digital test deciding I would test before my appointment in the morning. All of the boxes came with 2 tests. I looked for a box with just 1 for a good 5 minutes but nope it was 2 or nothing. The reason I didn't want 2 was because I knew the temptation to use 1 as soon as I got home would be too strong. And you may know in early pregnancy the HCG hormone is stronger in concentrated urine aka your first morning urine. Ugh. I grabbed a box of 2 and paid. On a side note it's amazing how odd I feel buying a pregnancy test. Like I should be hiding it from my parents and not like I am a 30 something, married, mom of 1. I couldn't get home fast enough. I ran to the bathroom and tried to open the test. Couldn't do it. Needed scissors. Are you kidding me?? Ok, makers of these tests listen to me, women testing are anxious and nervous. They either want this more than anything or are plain scared so how about you make them easier to open. Anyways, I got it open and....
I'M PREGNANT! Two very distinct lines showed up. Right there in front of my eyes. I didn't have to make believe I saw something that wasn't there. Two beautiful pink lines. But this is where the comedy comes in. I wanted to surprise Mark so my mom, B and I headed to Barnes & Noble to get her a Big Sister book. I decided I would wrap the test in Christmas paper since the baby is due early December and also have B give him the book. Awesome, this would work. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans, right??
I forgot my phone at home. I text a lot, too much Mark would say so as soon as the test was positive I sent a picture to Erica with the announcement "I'm Pregnant." Mark was due home in an hour but I knew he normally wouldn't look at my phone. Uh-huh, you see where this is going?? As we pulled in my driveway I said to my mom, "he knows, I think I forgot the unused 2nd test on the counter and I bet he saw it, once he sees that he will go to my phone (it beeps until you look at the text) knowing something is up and see the texts between Erica and me." So much for my surprise. Sure enough when Mark opens the door he says, "so I hear you are pregnant." And folks there it is he surprised me by announcing to me that I was pregnant. Exactly as I feared he saw the test, heard my phone and basically found out I was pregnant from Erica. Classic. Without a doubt a story we will be sharing for a long time.
My doctor called Friday evening to congratulate us. My numbers look good. I am right where I am supposed to be for 4wks5days pregnant. I go back in tomorrow for more labs to make sure my numbers are increasing as expected. Then 2 weeks after that will be our first ultrasound. And if you are like most everyone you are wondering how many babies I am pregnant with. The answer is we don't know yet. We will know more at the ultrasound but my labs are consistent with a strong singleton pregnancy.
This part of the waiting game is over only to pass the torch to the next stage of waiting...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Two Week Wait
I am somewhat superstitious so I debated whether or not I wanted to share this article I wrote 2 years ago after our first cycle failed. I felt by putting it out there and reading it again I was jinxing myself. But the logical side of me prevailed. I'm sharing it because it explains what the 2WW (two week wait) feels like. Regardless of the outcome the 2WW is hell. When I published it I got great feedback that made me realize what I had to say helped women going through the same thing. So maybe someone reading it now will better understand the process which is really the point of this blog anyways.
The Two Week Wait
The Two Week Wait
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Bed Rest
Well there is a lot of bed and very little rest in bed rest. I will not complain too much because most of you probably just worked at least 8 hours and still need to do the dishes. But lying in bed and getting up only to use the restroom for now what's been 28 hours is pretty uncomfortable. I have enjoyed indulging in my crappy reality shows saved on my DVR, almost finished Chelsea Handler's book 'My Horizontal Life,' finally responded to emails and read a few gossip magazines. This has all been very enjoyable. Having 'me' time with a toddler is well basically impossible while she is awake or I am home. So if this is how I can get it I will take it while I can which for now is until Friday morning.
So the question I have gotten the most since the transfer yesterday is, "how many?" The question itself is not the least offensive but what worries me is that some people might conjure up an image of octomom and there is no one who has done more of a disservice to ART (assisted reproductive therapy) than her. Well her doctor too. The answer is we transfered 3 embryos that were at the blastocyst stage. Mark and I are very comfortable with that number. As I've mentioned before we transferred 2 blastocysts with our fresh cycle and didn't get pregnant, we transferred 3 frozen blasts with B and got pregnant with 1 so we agree with the doctor that 3 it is.
Some clinics don't require bed rest. I am glad mine does. After this long, emotional journey a little self indulgence has been nice. My doctor recommends at least 48 hours which would mean it ends tomorrow at around 1PM but I figure I might as well extend it a few hours since I go to bed pretty early anyways :). Because the embryos were at the blast stage implantation will occur between 24-36 hours from the time of transfer so it's possible that has already happened. This is why they require minimum activity so that the embryos have an even better chance of cozying up and staying around for 9 months. No, this doesn't mean a pregnancy test would be valid. That takes at least 10 days but I will not be doing a home test and will instead wait until April 4th when I go for a blood test.
I thank those of you (you know who you are) who have checked on me, cooked for me, baked me yummy cookies, brought me flowers, cared for B, texted me throughout the day, sent me FB messages, etc. Your support means more than I can explain. I am grateful.
So the question I have gotten the most since the transfer yesterday is, "how many?" The question itself is not the least offensive but what worries me is that some people might conjure up an image of octomom and there is no one who has done more of a disservice to ART (assisted reproductive therapy) than her. Well her doctor too. The answer is we transfered 3 embryos that were at the blastocyst stage. Mark and I are very comfortable with that number. As I've mentioned before we transferred 2 blastocysts with our fresh cycle and didn't get pregnant, we transferred 3 frozen blasts with B and got pregnant with 1 so we agree with the doctor that 3 it is.
Some clinics don't require bed rest. I am glad mine does. After this long, emotional journey a little self indulgence has been nice. My doctor recommends at least 48 hours which would mean it ends tomorrow at around 1PM but I figure I might as well extend it a few hours since I go to bed pretty early anyways :). Because the embryos were at the blast stage implantation will occur between 24-36 hours from the time of transfer so it's possible that has already happened. This is why they require minimum activity so that the embryos have an even better chance of cozying up and staying around for 9 months. No, this doesn't mean a pregnancy test would be valid. That takes at least 10 days but I will not be doing a home test and will instead wait until April 4th when I go for a blood test.
I thank those of you (you know who you are) who have checked on me, cooked for me, baked me yummy cookies, brought me flowers, cared for B, texted me throughout the day, sent me FB messages, etc. Your support means more than I can explain. I am grateful.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Mother Hen's Dozen
The last few weeks my sole focus on this IVF road was to grow as many quality eggs as possible. It's a nerve-wracking process with lots of ups and downs. My first ultrasound a week and half ago showed that my left ovary wasn't invited to the party and had only one small follicle. This wasn't the best news. My right ovary was carrying me. I had 7 follicles of good size. Dr. Potter was optimistic but reminded me time is not on my child bearing years side which explained why the last time I had more follicles. I left feeling defeated. Even though he said the 8 follicles were maturing equally and appeared to be of good quality we were, "no worse off or better off than the first cycle." I was pissed and sad. I had hoped for a dozen. For some reason I like the idea of 12. I continued on with the same injections and waited for my next ultrasound. I wasn't looking forward to my ultrasound, to the drive to Laguna, to going by myself, to hating the left side of my body. Side note: when I had cancer as a child the tumor was on the left side of my neck, when I had breast lumpectomies they were on the left side, when I had mastitis from nursing it was in my left breast and now my damn left ovary. And to think I am a democrat and lean way left as opposed to right. You'd think the left would be a little nicer to me. Anyways, the news was basically the same EXCEPT my left side now had 2 follicles. Ok, that's still not getting me to 12 but it's a 100% increase from before. This was progress. We were scheduled for the egg retrieval on St. Patty's Day. Good sign, good luck.
Mark and I stayed in Laguna last night so we wouldn't have to worry about traffic this morning. This mini vacation was just what my tired, bloated IVF body needed. That and a King sized bed, we really need a bigger bed at home. Anyways, I was nervous. Mark was nervous. I think this time I was more nervous than the first time when I had no idea what to expect. But we were ready. You are under general anesthesia for extraction which is actually nice. Lying there waiting for the medication to knock me out I held on to 2 of B's lovies. What could bring me better luck? The procedure took about 25 minutes but the longest part is in recovery when we were waiting for Dr. Potter to come in and tell us how many of the follicles had eggs according to the fancy scientist back in the lab doing the counting. He came in shook our hands and said, "well we got 12!" Oh my GOD, a dozen, I got my 12.
How does this happen you ask? Well, those little buggers hide sometimes. And apparently we had 3 hiding. You might also wonder why I want as many eggs as healthily possible. Ok, a little education here, these are not embryos. These little eggs have a long road ahead of them to become embryos. Some of the 12 won't fertilize and some of them won't grow enough to make it to transfer. Some will grow but for no apparent reason die off. So the more we have going in the more we can "afford" to lose and still have a good number for the transfer. You also hope that you have enough to freeze just in case this round doesn't go the way we hope. Tomorrow afternoon we will get the "fertilization report" and know how many are still growing and find out whether we are doing a 3 or 5 day transfer.
Anyways, we are home now. I am resting. A little sore and feel just ever so slightly empty without my dozen but rest assured knowing they are in good hands.
Mark and I stayed in Laguna last night so we wouldn't have to worry about traffic this morning. This mini vacation was just what my tired, bloated IVF body needed. That and a King sized bed, we really need a bigger bed at home. Anyways, I was nervous. Mark was nervous. I think this time I was more nervous than the first time when I had no idea what to expect. But we were ready. You are under general anesthesia for extraction which is actually nice. Lying there waiting for the medication to knock me out I held on to 2 of B's lovies. What could bring me better luck? The procedure took about 25 minutes but the longest part is in recovery when we were waiting for Dr. Potter to come in and tell us how many of the follicles had eggs according to the fancy scientist back in the lab doing the counting. He came in shook our hands and said, "well we got 12!" Oh my GOD, a dozen, I got my 12.
How does this happen you ask? Well, those little buggers hide sometimes. And apparently we had 3 hiding. You might also wonder why I want as many eggs as healthily possible. Ok, a little education here, these are not embryos. These little eggs have a long road ahead of them to become embryos. Some of the 12 won't fertilize and some of them won't grow enough to make it to transfer. Some will grow but for no apparent reason die off. So the more we have going in the more we can "afford" to lose and still have a good number for the transfer. You also hope that you have enough to freeze just in case this round doesn't go the way we hope. Tomorrow afternoon we will get the "fertilization report" and know how many are still growing and find out whether we are doing a 3 or 5 day transfer.
Anyways, we are home now. I am resting. A little sore and feel just ever so slightly empty without my dozen but rest assured knowing they are in good hands.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Baker's Dozen
I had high aspirations when I started this blog. I wanted to keep you updated every step of the way. It was wishful thinking to blog daily but I was hoping to do so at least a few times a week. I didn't take into account how draining and emotional this whole journey is. Or how having a toddler would change everything. Literally I get her to bed around 7:30 then I get ready for bed and that's it. But now that the Lupron was decreased I feel like the fog is lifting and here it is 8:30 and I am still awake and not even in bed! Progress...
The egg making process has begun. Last night was the first injection. It's a lot of work mixing the drugs. You'd think with how expensive the meds are they would come with a pharmacist but no. So thank goodness Mark is a quick learner. He has to mix 2 powders with 1 solution and combine them in one vial, then he has to inject another drug into the vial, then he takes the syringe and gets all the meds out then he changes the needle. While he does this I ice my thigh and swab it with alcohol. It's a small needle so that's not the issue but there's a lot of meds to push through and they burn a lot! Icing helped tonight though. The last fresh cycle these meds were inter-muscular and those hurt each and every time, no way around it. I can literally still feel knots where the injections went into my rear and there is still some tingling from where we hit nerves. So believe me I am very thankful that these are subcutaneous.
Somewhere in the mess of our 3rd bedroom that will soon be a nursery is all the paperwork from our first IVF so I don't remember how many eggs I produced last time but I am pretty sure it was 13 because I remember thinking, "well I guess 13 will be a lucky number now." So we are hoping for that many this time. There are so many steps on the road to each egg becoming an embryo that you hope for a high number because not all of the eggs will be mature when they do the retrieval of what's mature not all will survive ICSI (each egg is inserted with 1 sperm), of those not all will grow properly and make it to the transfer. The more they are working with the more likely you will have a few good, strong embryos to transfer and if you are really lucky maybe some to freeze. Remember B is the result of a frozen transfer :)
The egg making process has begun. Last night was the first injection. It's a lot of work mixing the drugs. You'd think with how expensive the meds are they would come with a pharmacist but no. So thank goodness Mark is a quick learner. He has to mix 2 powders with 1 solution and combine them in one vial, then he has to inject another drug into the vial, then he takes the syringe and gets all the meds out then he changes the needle. While he does this I ice my thigh and swab it with alcohol. It's a small needle so that's not the issue but there's a lot of meds to push through and they burn a lot! Icing helped tonight though. The last fresh cycle these meds were inter-muscular and those hurt each and every time, no way around it. I can literally still feel knots where the injections went into my rear and there is still some tingling from where we hit nerves. So believe me I am very thankful that these are subcutaneous.
Somewhere in the mess of our 3rd bedroom that will soon be a nursery is all the paperwork from our first IVF so I don't remember how many eggs I produced last time but I am pretty sure it was 13 because I remember thinking, "well I guess 13 will be a lucky number now." So we are hoping for that many this time. There are so many steps on the road to each egg becoming an embryo that you hope for a high number because not all of the eggs will be mature when they do the retrieval of what's mature not all will survive ICSI (each egg is inserted with 1 sperm), of those not all will grow properly and make it to the transfer. The more they are working with the more likely you will have a few good, strong embryos to transfer and if you are really lucky maybe some to freeze. Remember B is the result of a frozen transfer :)
IKS- Irritable Kristin Syndrome
Ok, I would like to think I am not a very moody personal in general but holy crankiness. I don't remember this with the fresh cycle of IVF nor the frozen transfer. The Lupron dosage is the same as the other two times so the only logical conclusion is my hormones have changed since having B which makes sense. I am quick to get frustrated and have very little patience both of which aren't great with a toddler. I hate it. My Lupron dosage was cut in half yesterday and I am hoping with it comes a sense of calm I desperately need again.
I had labs drawn and an ultrasound done on Friday. Basically they were checking to make sure the Lupron worked and shut down my ovaries. My estrogen levels are very low which explains why I feel lousy. My ovaries were clear so we were given the green light to start the most important part....stimulation injections! This is where we wake up my sleeping ovaries and basically put them on overdrive to make a lot of eggs. A typical cycle for a fertile women produces no more than 2 eggs, well we are hoping for a dozen at least. It's not only quantity we want it's top quality eggs. Here's to egg growing! Cheers....
I had labs drawn and an ultrasound done on Friday. Basically they were checking to make sure the Lupron worked and shut down my ovaries. My estrogen levels are very low which explains why I feel lousy. My ovaries were clear so we were given the green light to start the most important part....stimulation injections! This is where we wake up my sleeping ovaries and basically put them on overdrive to make a lot of eggs. A typical cycle for a fertile women produces no more than 2 eggs, well we are hoping for a dozen at least. It's not only quantity we want it's top quality eggs. Here's to egg growing! Cheers....
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Art of Babymaking
I picked up all of our meds on Wednesday. The whole time that the pharmacist and nurse were going over everything I kept thinking, "I sure hope I can YouTube all of this." Because the fresh IVF cycle in '08 didn't result in a pregnancy my meds have been changed and upped. Ahh!!
I walked out of the clinic with 2 big bags of drugs and needles and a heavy heart. I felt alone and pathetic that my body couldn't make a baby on it's own. Ashamed that something as personal as making a baby resorts to a pharmacist who makes me feel as if he were a football coach talking to his quarterback, "go and get 'em" and a nurse who is as compassionate as she is smart but all I can think of as she shows me one of the injections is that she must feel really sorry for me. It sucked but at the same time I held those bags as I would hold a child because in a crazy way that's what all these drugs symbolize for us. Somewhere on the drive home I decided that I hate pity parties so I was determined to leave mine without a guest of honor. Pity party of one I am checking out!
So here is a picture of all the magic that will help us make a baby. Science is a wonderful thing.
I walked out of the clinic with 2 big bags of drugs and needles and a heavy heart. I felt alone and pathetic that my body couldn't make a baby on it's own. Ashamed that something as personal as making a baby resorts to a pharmacist who makes me feel as if he were a football coach talking to his quarterback, "go and get 'em" and a nurse who is as compassionate as she is smart but all I can think of as she shows me one of the injections is that she must feel really sorry for me. It sucked but at the same time I held those bags as I would hold a child because in a crazy way that's what all these drugs symbolize for us. Somewhere on the drive home I decided that I hate pity parties so I was determined to leave mine without a guest of honor. Pity party of one I am checking out!
So here is a picture of all the magic that will help us make a baby. Science is a wonderful thing.
This morning was my first injection. It's supposed to be done at the same time each morning which would be ok other than the fact that I get up really early 2 days a week for work. So at 5:30 Mark gave me my Lupron injection. Basically this drug suppresses my estrogen which throws me into what feels like menopause. During an IVF cycle the doctors goal is obviously to get the patient pregnant well the only way to do that is to control every hormone for the cycle. Lupron is the first step in that. Of all the injections this one has the smallest needle and is really not too bad.
But holy side effects. I do not remember them being this bad the last 2 times I went through this. All day I was nauseous, irritable (no, I am not usually this way), weepy and just felt plain yucky. I am trying to keep my eye on our goal but as I lie here in bed I can't help but count the hours until the next injection knowing that not too long after the wave of symptoms will hit.....
PS: I have no idea why the font size changed. Sorry, after 15min trying to fix it I give up or else the computer might end up across the room :)
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